i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just pynch a tree in the face
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
