yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
