There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
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