I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
