We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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