Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
