There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
