im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
