I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
