this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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