She is in my trunk
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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