mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
