My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
