That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
