Where is the hickey?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize