nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize