I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
