apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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