the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
