I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
