Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
