I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
