She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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