3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I smell stomach acid.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
