i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
They have beer where we have blood.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
