I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I wish I only lived at night.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
