there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize