i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
