$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
