It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
