that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
