talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
