Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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