like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize