I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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