I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
