I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
time to smoke my breakfast
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
