I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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