Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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