and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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