I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
