He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize