Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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