do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
