If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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