Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize