We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
