Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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