Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
