Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
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