Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
