Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
