My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
