don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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