Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
