okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
