She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
