I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Randomize
