she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
