True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
