Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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