Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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