two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Operation Purity has been aborted
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
