just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
